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literature
The Streets Chapter One- Another Dawn
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Literature Text
I awake to the sound of a hundred cars, rushing to their busy workplaces, and a crowd of people bustling around me. Instinctively, I automatically jolt my head to my right. It is still there. My guitar...
Pushing my long, dirt-stained brown hair from my eyes, I glance around me. An ornate clock sat above a building states the time: 09:34 AM- plenty of time. I am leaning against a terribly-too-red brick wall and sat atop the usual pavement ground. After so many troublesome hours of sleeping on this hard, painful floor, a patch of grass to rest my tired head would seem like a blessing, however damp.
I turn my sleepy body towards my frayed fabric guitar case and opened the worn zip. As always, it was right there: a dark mahogany guitar, laying snugly inside its case, it's metallic strings glinting in the morning sunlight. And still, even after all these years, the distinct name, 'Charlie White' was still engraved in a permanent white pen. Only my young self could be blamed for permanently branding my name into my guitar. I had gained this beauty back as a teenager. I was just 14 at the time, and this had seemed like a gift bestowed on me by a god. I loved it... It was a birthday gift and our family had pooled in lots of money for the wonderful present. Back then, I was so blissfully unaware of the challenges to come...
I lightly lift the guitar out of the unworthy case and, as any other day, take out my small collection tin. Ready for another day of busking. Just trying to get by...
Pushing my long, dirt-stained brown hair from my eyes, I glance around me. An ornate clock sat above a building states the time: 09:34 AM- plenty of time. I am leaning against a terribly-too-red brick wall and sat atop the usual pavement ground. After so many troublesome hours of sleeping on this hard, painful floor, a patch of grass to rest my tired head would seem like a blessing, however damp.
I turn my sleepy body towards my frayed fabric guitar case and opened the worn zip. As always, it was right there: a dark mahogany guitar, laying snugly inside its case, it's metallic strings glinting in the morning sunlight. And still, even after all these years, the distinct name, 'Charlie White' was still engraved in a permanent white pen. Only my young self could be blamed for permanently branding my name into my guitar. I had gained this beauty back as a teenager. I was just 14 at the time, and this had seemed like a gift bestowed on me by a god. I loved it... It was a birthday gift and our family had pooled in lots of money for the wonderful present. Back then, I was so blissfully unaware of the challenges to come...
I lightly lift the guitar out of the unworthy case and, as any other day, take out my small collection tin. Ready for another day of busking. Just trying to get by...
Enjoy!Comments5
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From what I've read here:
You are great with descriptions! That is one thing I'm fairly bad at. You described the scene perfectly.
You did really well with describing the character's situation! From what I understood, obviously the character is living on the streets and possibly his last possession is his guitar, which seems very precious to him.
The writing itself seems really good! You are a really skilled writer! (I can't check out the others right now, maybe I can later)
The only problem that I have with this is that it is kinda short. It isn't long enough to tell the character's personality that well. The reader can tell that he's possibly lonely, but there isn't much else that will tell his personality.
(If you don't know what I mean by this, I'll use the AU part 1 as an example. You can tell Vincent is confused when he awakes, and that he doesn't really know what's going on. He's alone, like your character, but mine goes back a little further with his memories. It shows with his behaivior, dialog, and expressions how he usually acts.)
Besides that, I think that you can really go far with this series!
You are great with descriptions! That is one thing I'm fairly bad at. You described the scene perfectly.
You did really well with describing the character's situation! From what I understood, obviously the character is living on the streets and possibly his last possession is his guitar, which seems very precious to him.
The writing itself seems really good! You are a really skilled writer! (I can't check out the others right now, maybe I can later)
The only problem that I have with this is that it is kinda short. It isn't long enough to tell the character's personality that well. The reader can tell that he's possibly lonely, but there isn't much else that will tell his personality.
(If you don't know what I mean by this, I'll use the AU part 1 as an example. You can tell Vincent is confused when he awakes, and that he doesn't really know what's going on. He's alone, like your character, but mine goes back a little further with his memories. It shows with his behaivior, dialog, and expressions how he usually acts.)
Besides that, I think that you can really go far with this series!